Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
