i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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