My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
