Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
