she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
