loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
