i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Mom said you looked used
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
