dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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