Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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