New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize