Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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