I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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