I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize