i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
that may or may not have been my penis.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
