Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
