That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just pee around me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
