If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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