We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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