Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Terrible idea I love it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
