my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
