turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
