God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
