I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
