my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
