There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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