Just mADE A PArabola og urine
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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