Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
