I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
