I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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