So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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