NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
