Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
