Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
