it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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