last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
