I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
