using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
