I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
