Your tits are I can't wait for
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
