Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
