heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
