We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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