Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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