took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
