I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
