I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
