I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
