im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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