rhymes with "ouble enetration"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
