She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
