We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
