I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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