She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Randomize
