before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
