I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
