Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
