oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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