just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
