my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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