Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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