Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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