Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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