Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
