Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
