i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
