I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
