Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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