you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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