it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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