my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We named our party play list daddy issues
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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