Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize