He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
