It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
