I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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