i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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