Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
