i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
