for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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