Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
